Resistance
This blog defines what resistance is and offers information and tips that have worked for families in the past. If you would like advice specifically for your child and your situation, head to https://www.the-potty-nanny.com/book-session and fill out the pre-consultation form.
Resistance is most often an oppositional response to over prompting. It is your child asserting her will over yours. Don’t fight back or lose your cool. The key is to stay zen, while holding your ground and offering choices wherever possible.
How do I know that this is resistance?
Resistant behaviors include:
Insisting on a diaper to pee or poop in (please don’t give in), repeatedly refusing to sit on the potty, being terrified that he’ll fall into the toilet, experiencing pain from repeat withholding or partial emptying (of either the bladder or colon) and/or a complete meltdown instead of using the potty like your child did only a few days or weeks ago
What works for overcoming resistance:
Offer your child a choice and honor that choice. Does she want to use the little potty or the toilet?
Getting neither? Pull out a red Solo cup (or any other sturdy cup with a wide opening) and let him pee in this cup instead. Then have him dump the contents in the toilet.
A potty training urinal is a good option for boys that are capable of standing to pee.
Teach your child the regular routine. “We get up, take off our PullUp, put on clothes and brush our teeth. Before we head into the living room, we use the potty. Your dad and I do this too.”
If your child is afraid of the flusher, then walk him through the bathroom routine, but hold off on flushing until he is safely in another room/at least facing away from the public toilet with either hands or ear muffs over his ears.
Make it fun! Leapfrog to the bathroom or bunny hop! You can also race your child to the potty.
“Once you pee we can do a ‘dino wash’ or a ‘car wash in the sink!’
For the child with FOMO:
“Truck wait here. Noah will be back with you in a flash once he empties his bladder.”
“Bear, you can certainly come with us! Lacey, can you teach your Bear how you pee?”
Channel Yoda. “I see you have to pee. There’s your potty.” Then walk away. Give him space for him to follow through and actually go pee.
Give your child more responsibility outside of potty training and let him know that it is his responsibility to do them. Basically, the more autonomy he has, the less likely he is going to make a big deal about doing things he doesn't want to do.
An easy one is to put his shoes away or line up everyone's shoes in the evening (or put them in the basket/cupboard. Whatever your normal is).
If you don't already, you can have him put his dirty clothes in the hamper at the end of the night, close his drawers, bring his wet towel to the bathroom and turn on his white noise machine.
Tips specifically for older children:
Honor their word. If she expresses that she doesn’t need to go at the very moment, say, “I trust that you don’t need to poop right now. I’ll be in the kitchen when you need me.”
You know she’s going to come calling for you at some point. The when communicates this.
Honor their need for privacy. Half-close the door and walk into the living room, letting him know that he can call you for help wiping. “I see you have to poop. Mommy will be right in the living room for when you need me.”
Let go of your end of the rope. Don’t argue. Don’t bribe. Don’t negotiate. Give firm guidance and then let them do their thing.
“You have to pee. There’s your potty.” Then walk away.
Announce that you need to poop and that you, their adult, would also like some privacy. Go away and do your thing. It’s a valuable lesson to teach.
There’s not a magic book to teach your child how to consistently and effectively use the toilet. However, there are a few that I find supremely helpful. They are:
The recommendation is to add books like these into your child’s nightly reading repertoire. However, if he really likes books where he gets to press buttons, by all means, buy a few and give them to him to entice him to sit on the toilet.
When in doubt reread the end of page 82 of “Oh Crap!”, “If your child is capable of fighting for something she wants, she’s more than ready for potty training. Resistance can result in a short period of unpleasantness, but then it’s done and you’re over the hump.”
