Going in public
It all begins with an idea.
Written By Jessica Freilich
This blog includes the generalized transition from Block 2 (going commando) to Block 3 (longer public outings, including using public toilets) information and tips that have worked for children in the past. If you would like advice specifically for your child and your situation, head to https://www.the-potty-nanny.com/book-session and fill out the pre-consultation form.
Struggling with using a toilet other than the one in your home is a very real thing. So much so that in my online potty training course for parents I cover this in a case study:
Being afraid of the automatic flusher in particular is a phase. While a sometimes baffling and challenging phase, it doesn’t usually last for very long.
Here is a list of things to try to acclimate your child to using toilets that are not in your home:
Bring your small potty with you everywhere for a week or two. Allow your child to use it in the back of your car - SUVs are wonderfully helpful here - with the trunk [boot] open
It is advisable to: bring along extra diaper wipes, plus antibacterial wipes to clean out poop from the potty, grocery bags to store any used wipes and a small blanket to lay on her lap for privacy
If you have a backyard and have some semblance of privacy, take your little potty to the back porch or backyard [garden] and let your child know that while potty training it is absolutely okay to stop playing outside and use their potty
For a few weeks treat everywhere you go like a bathroom field trip. Going to Publix? Take a tour of the bathroom. Bring the little potty with you. You yourself can use the ADA accessible bathroom and have your child sit on his potty in front of you. Headed to pick up food at Chipotle? Visit the restroom first and do the same thing.
Many children are afraid of automatic flushers. Stash a stack of PostIt Notes in your bag and cover the flusher with a PostIt before your child approaches the toilet. Allow them to use the restroom and once they are safely away from the toilet, remove the PostIt and ask them if they would like to flush the pee and poop away.
{Note: This is for kids who are sitting on a regular sized toilet or doing so with a seat minimizing insert}
Even more upsetting are the automatic hand dryers. Skip them. Add a burp cloth to your bag and dry their hands after using the sink. Drying with a towel or cloth is actually far more sanitary than using any of those hand dryers.
Have a child who doesn’t want to use the toilet at grandma’s house? Or at a friend’s house? Bring his little potty with him OR if this is a house you go to often, purchase the exact same little potty and leave it there to be used at grandma’s!
Bringing a little potty with you may sound strange, but it is really not much different than lugging around a stroller or heavy diaper bag.
If your babe is having a meltdown over using a public toilet, use the bathroom yourself and talk about how it isn’t scary, it’s merely something all human beings do when out and about
Then offer them their little toilet, either in the bathroom or in the back of your car. Some children prefer to use their potty outside of the car, while it is parked. Use your judgment about if this is safe wherever you currently are.
Have her sit backwards on the toilet as if it were a horse and hang out to her midsection for stability. Some children are far more comfortable seated on a large toilet this way.
Buy a foldable toilet insert and carry it with you to use in public!
Consider purchasing my children’s eBook “See Yourself Go!”. It includes the topic of using public toilets and how absolutely everyone, from firefighters to the President of the United States uses them whenever they feel the urge to go.
Resistance
It all begins with an idea.
This blog defines what resistance is and offers information and tips that have worked for families in the past. If you would like advice specifically for your child and your situation, head to https://www.the-potty-nanny.com/book-session and fill out the pre-consultation form.
Resistance is most often an oppositional response to over prompting. It is your child asserting her will over yours. Don’t fight back or lose your cool. The key is to stay zen, while holding your ground and offering choices wherever possible.
How do I know that this is resistance?
Resistant behaviors include:
Insisting on a diaper to pee or poop in (please don’t give in), repeatedly refusing to sit on the potty, being terrified that he’ll fall into the toilet, experiencing pain from repeat withholding or partial emptying (of either the bladder or colon) and/or a complete meltdown instead of using the potty like your child did only a few days or weeks ago
What works for overcoming resistance:
Offer your child a choice and honor that choice. Does she want to use the little potty or the toilet?
Getting neither? Pull out a red Solo cup (or any other sturdy cup with a wide opening) and let him pee in this cup instead. Then have him dump the contents in the toilet.
A potty training urinal is a good option for boys that are capable of standing to pee.
Teach your child the regular routine. “We get up, take off our PullUp, put on clothes and brush our teeth. Before we head into the living room, we use the potty. Your dad and I do this too.”
If your child is afraid of the flusher, then walk him through the bathroom routine, but hold off on flushing until he is safely in another room/at least facing away from the public toilet with either hands or ear muffs over his ears.
Make it fun! Leapfrog to the bathroom or bunny hop! You can also race your child to the potty.
“Once you pee we can do a ‘dino wash’ or a ‘car wash in the sink!’
For the child with FOMO:
“Truck wait here. Noah will be back with you in a flash once he empties his bladder.”
“Bear, you can certainly come with us! Lacey, can you teach your Bear how you pee?”
Channel Yoda. “I see you have to pee. There’s your potty.” Then walk away. Give him space for him to follow through and actually go pee.
Give your child more responsibility outside of potty training and let him know that it is his responsibility to do them. Basically, the more autonomy he has, the less likely he is going to make a big deal about doing things he doesn't want to do.
An easy one is to put his shoes away or line up everyone's shoes in the evening (or put them in the basket/cupboard. Whatever your normal is).
If you don't already, you can have him put his dirty clothes in the hamper at the end of the night, close his drawers, bring his wet towel to the bathroom and turn on his white noise machine.
Tips specifically for older children:
Honor their word. If she expresses that she doesn’t need to go at the very moment, say, “I trust that you don’t need to poop right now. I’ll be in the kitchen when you need me.”
You know she’s going to come calling for you at some point. The when communicates this.
Honor their need for privacy. Half-close the door and walk into the living room, letting him know that he can call you for help wiping. “I see you have to poop. Mommy will be right in the living room for when you need me.”
Let go of your end of the rope. Don’t argue. Don’t bribe. Don’t negotiate. Give firm guidance and then let them do their thing.
“You have to pee. There’s your potty.” Then walk away.
Announce that you need to poop and that you, their adult, would also like some privacy. Go away and do your thing. It’s a valuable lesson to teach.
There’s not a magic book to teach your child how to consistently and effectively use the toilet. However, there are a few that I find supremely helpful. They are:
The recommendation is to add books like these into your child’s nightly reading repertoire. However, if he really likes books where he gets to press buttons, by all means, buy a few and give them to him to entice him to sit on the toilet.
When in doubt reread the end of page 82 of “Oh Crap!”, “If your child is capable of fighting for something she wants, she’s more than ready for potty training. Resistance can result in a short period of unpleasantness, but then it’s done and you’re over the hump.”
Moving to Block 2
It all begins with an idea.
This blog covers the generalized transition from Block 1 (being naked) to Block 2 (going commando) information and tips that have worked for children in the past. If you would like advice specifically for your child and your situation, head to https://www.the-potty-nanny.com/book-session and fill out the pre-consultation form.
Block 1 typically lasts between 5 and 7 days. Allowing children to go naked beyond a week often makes this process a bit sticky and can lead to resistance going commando (loose pants without underwear) in Block 2.
Markers that your child has graduated out of Block 1:
At least 1, but preferably 2, successful poops in the potty
To quote my co-moderator Ashley Lomasney: “I would get a good poop first and then move on [to Block 2]! You don’t want to get stuck in the “pee trained, but well…poop is another story” phase.”
Signs in their eyes that they understand how to release urine and feces in the toilet:
Put another way: To get to Block 2, your child needs to have the recognition of, "I can use my pelvic floor muscles and gently push to pee and to poop while seated on a toilet."
The following cognition is needed: "This is about doing real things, not just about Mommy talking to me about doing these things."
Pee and poop should be happening on the toilet while children are: singing, reading a book, being told a story, being given “privacy” while an adult is right outside of the bathroom, but ideally turned away and pretending to be immersed in their own thing
If a child is pooping while awake, but using their diaper during naps/overnight, you can still move on to Block 2
Accidents can happen, but they should be only a few each week. If there are numerous accidents every day, stay in Block 1 until there are enough successes that a child’s confidence can be built up
What works for Block 2:
Highly recommend a coconut milk smoothie for a few days to soften stool and increase the likelihood of successful poops into the potty.
Start with a loose, long-sleeved t-shirt [or shorter dress/nightgown for girls] and going commando for a day or two (this often helps with kids who can become overstimulated with the feeling of wearing pants and then transition to going commando shorts or sweatpants.
Allowing your child to have 2-3 pee accidents, changing their bottoms each time they have an accident and then briefly reverting back to being naked. Once there is a successful output on the potty while naked, put them back in clean bottoms and repeat the process.
Once there is a poop accident, revert immediately to Block 1. After the next successful poop in the toilet, pants can be returned.
Why you might ask? Two poops in trousers creates a habit. Habits are incredibly challenging for nearly all humans to break.
For the big move to Block 2: Start by going pantless in the morning and then going commando in the afternoon, following nap. This helps children to see the transition as it is happening.
Prompting first and then with transitions. “First we sit and go, then we have a snack.”
Giving them privacy! "Would you like to sit in the bathroom and mommy stay out here? When you're done say, ‘All done! Can Mommy come help?’ This works really well!
Littles have said “Yes.” Stood up. Walked to the bathroom. Sat. Pooped. Said, “Mommy, all done.”
A potty watch. They help children feel more in control of their bodies. They look like an adult watch and they take the pressure off of their parents to be on the ball about timely reminding children to use the bathroom.
What does Block 2 Entail?
Going commando (without underwear) and staying near the house
This means small and short trips (5-15 minutes) to: get the mail/post, walk around the cul-de-sac, a round trip walk of ¼ - ⅓ of a standard city block (street NOT avenue length in NYC) and at the end of it maybe to the supermarket or drugstore to buy one item and one item only.
There’s the adjustment period to wearing loose-fitting clothes that must happen
It helps to go up a size and forgo blue jeans; sweatpants are a parent’s best friend for Blocks 2 + 3
Why has moving onto Block 2 been challenging?
Pushing pants down takes time to learn. It’s a very real skill
Your child is being asked to be more responsible for himself and in the time it takes to push pants down accidents can and often do occur
If your child has been doing well with pee, you are likely hovering less and this grants opportunities for oopsies
The average length for Block 2 (commando) is 3-4 weeks
Words of encouragement:
“That’s a HUGE poop!”
“Your abdomen must feel better to get that out!”
“Relax your bum and let it out.”
Play dough trick to show how poop comes out—see YouTube video
Glitter water bottle for relaxation - here’s the DIY link on YouTube
General notes: Adding pants blocks a child from being able to look at his or her genitals and see the urine coming out. They are also a physical barrier and simply feel different than going about their day naked. There’s an acclimation (adjustment period) to loose-fitting, ideally one size up pants (soft, non-itchy sweatpants are a fantastic choice) that has to happen. For most children, who do not have sensory sensitivities, this occurs within 2-3 days.
As someone with experience working with children who have been diagnosed with Level 1 autism spectrum disorder, I am happy to help sensory kiddos. I am willing to take a stab at Level 2 ASD as well, as long as your child is able to communicate by pointing at signs or by using sign language.
Any time there are sensory issues present it requires one-on-one attention and a consultation.